Hello, am I audible? Okay, I'll try to perform this 5-minute bit. These are mostly jokes about death. I'm not sure about the first part, but they're definitely about death. (tag-1)

I think a lot about existential stuff. I feel like adulting is thinking about cancer and not having it. (Joke-1)

Like, this one time, I was talking to my girlfriend, and she was really sad. She told me her father had been diagnosed with cancer. And I didn't knew what to say, like what is something that would make her feel less horrible? I thought of a lot of things, and then I told her, "Hey, you should look at the bright side, at least there will be one less person opposing our marriage." I don't know why she got angry. (Joke-2) She was like, "Rajat, you have a bad habit of making everything about you," and I was like, "Looks like this time you're doing a good job."

Like, okay, hear me out. You know what's worse than having cancer? One of your parents having cancer. And what's even worse than that? Your girlfriend's parent having it. Like, sir, you die, your misery ends. I had to deal with it. (Joke-3) I'm the one doing grief hours after office hours, and that too every day.

Okay, okay. You must be thinking how insensitive I am, like really insensitive, but what can I do? I just use Sensodyne (Joke-4), and that too twice a day like a good boy. (tag-2)

I was never told how to deal with a loss, how to accept it. Till standard 7th or 8th, the only thing that I lost was my pencil, and that too I found under my bed. And then the first time When I lost a friend, I was 10 years old, and for a whole month I was searching for her under my bed (Joke-5), because that's where I'd found every lost thing I lost before. Although, to be fair, my friend was a b*tch, so she probably just ghosted me. Like, literally ghosted me. (tag-2) After one month, my parents got worried, and they were like, "We have to tell him," and they tried, they were like, "She's gone, gone permanently." And I started crying, and my father didn't knew how to react, so he was like, "Hey, don't cry, come here, here's your favorite box of ice cream." (tag-4)

So, two years later, my grandmother died, and I saw people crying, and this time I knew exactly what to do. I brought all nine flavors of ice cream. I was like, "Hey, here's your favorite Death by Chocolate. Don't cry. You don't like this one? I will get you the classic vanilla." (Joke-6)

No, no, these are just jokes. Don't hate me, guys.

Okay, you guys might know this joke where older siblings pull the legs of younger siblings by saying they're adopted. There was this one time I was trying to prove this point to my sister, and I told her, "What do you think an abortion is?" She was like, "It's an unwanted pregnancy scar that you get rid of." And I was like, "Exactly, you were the unwanted pregnancy scar that survived." (Joke-7)

That's why I love English. Like, they didn't even tried to put in the effort. They were like, "What sounds like a failed abortion?" and someone said "adoption." and they were like, "Okay, approved." (Joke-8)

Okay, I thought you guys would laugh. Now I'll cry and then you'll laugh about me crying, so yeah, my purpose still gets fulfilled.

I've started to realize that I'm not a good human being. Like all the things that makes me a good human being, I wouldn't do, if I was rich enough to get away without doing them. Like, I would totally kill some people, but I'm just not rich enough to get away with it. (tag-5) If I was, that would have been the real fulfillment of American dream, not a house, just affordable homicide. (Joke-9)

Thank you, guys. You've been a lovely audience. Bye.