I pretty much started to have a liking for people who are able to take a breather, who could look away from the process and can have a sense of objectivity and this weird understanding of the limited time they are born with. Prioritization is a rare skill set.

For a long period of time, I had an assumption that courage is the ability to go on, to do stuff regardless of the circumstances, to not stop when things get scarier and I still have a great admiration for such people, the continuity in general with the chaos an adult deals with is a quality no doubt deserving appreciation. Although there are certain aspects to it that need finer details, and one of them is to take yourself out of the process, the thing is after a point momentum does a lot of heavy lifting, and it starts consuming a lot of finite resources, there is a reward to this process, and to be honest it is needed to actually move the needle. You have to let the process consume you for a very long period of time, before you can even think of context switching. Otherwise needles rarely move significantly and all you are left with is a more aware system with no proof of work.

Intuition takes time to develop, but once developed it leads to a certain amount of comfort, which logically is a good thing to have. But there are certain inflection points you need to be aware of, for example programming is a tough to acquire skill, especially when you are dealing with actual systems, it takes a lot of painful sleepless nights to build software and ensure that it doesn't break when the real world tries to have a go with it, but after a point these sleepless nights too bring a sense of comfort, however weird it may sound, it doesn't take much effort for me to put those 14 hours each day and it seems to be the same for people around me, it was horribly tough, there were times I would not want to get out of my bed to even drink a glass of water, but with time it became bearably easy (if that's a word or a feeling), and there are still days when I am probably my biggest skeptic for living this fundamentally non-sustainable life in the name of consistency and the adolescence of intuition. And yet it would be dishonest to deny that it was necessary. It was needed to become good, to develop a certain sense of taste about my choices.

What becomes progressively difficult is to find balance. Okay balance is more of a corporate word, there rarely are any sustainable balances which produce outcomes, funnily enough there are sustainable imbalances with extraordinary outcomes. Imbalances are a double-edged sword and must be handled cautiously.

What becomes actually difficult is to switch, can you spend a day without looking at your laptop? Can you have an unproductive day and still keep your self-worth intact? Is it possible for you to not have that feeling of restlessness when you are not consumed by something larger than you. I think that part, that part is the actual deal, I would wonder why these people who have made a lot of money or have most social constructs sorted out don't stop, why a founder who just sold their startup for millions is again back to building the next big thing, what was the driving factor, and honestly I feel you ask any of them, and they will tell you it's still painfully tough, it's nowhere near the feeling of easy, and it took them a lot of time to get comfortable with that pain of building stuff and now they don't know how to stop, give them a break and they will go chaotic, no mountain or a flowing river seems to bring the mental calmness to them, it's like marathons are no more the hard part for runners.

What's harder for them is to not run, it is to say hey this one was good but now maybe we need to focus on the other priorities of life, it is to stop and say hey now we go and do masters in history, the reward for consistency was millions in your account or 42km in 3 hours, and the reward of having the ability to switch was having both. Context switching is a complementary skill to consistency. The courage required to step away from familiar pain can be just as rare as the courage needed to endure it. Maybe it's cool to get what you want, but it's pretty cool to let it go. Because it's a privilege to wear the crown and it's an act of enormous courage to give it away. Intuition looks much better when it has multiple siblings.

Bye.

I hope the dish I cooked serves something, if not sense.

-r